I felt so conflicted about what we'd done and what I still wanted to do. The look on John's face broke my heart. I had no one to talk to about it. My old friends still didn't even know about the three of us, never mind my new, more disturbing desires. Kendra didn't deserve me dumping any more on her. She had enough problems with her new relationship with Monica.My thumb hovered over Lydia's name. The phone felt like it was a thousand feet below and I was looking down from the edge of a cliff. I closed my eyes, pushed the button, and put the phone to my ear. The ringing made me feel dizzy, like I was falling, but the sensation of falling stopped the moment I heard her voice."Hello?" Hi Lydia." The words felt as thin as mist. "It's Kate." Oh my God! I'm so happy you called me! How're you doing?" I'm—" I couldn't find the words."Kate, what's wrong?" I hate to bother you, but I have no one else I can talk to about ... I don't understand." I was whispering to avoid anyone hearing. "I never. He’s driving me back to the gym now to grab my car. I’m soaked.” Me: “Oh? All sweaty?” Her: “Also yes. I’ll text you when I get in my car. Are you sure you’re ok with me hanging out with him?” Me: “Babe, since we’ve started entertaining this fantasy our sex life has been spectacular. I like you being more adventurous but don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.” Ten minutes passed Her: “I’m in my car” Me: “Heading home?” Her: “He kissed me…” Me: “Oh…well you’ve got me harder than Colossus, bad things are going to happen when you get home.” Her: “Well…” Me: “?” Her: [Picture: large glass shower with shower heads hanging from ceiling] Her: “He said I could use this if I wanted” Me: “Do you?” Her: “Yes” I didn’t know how to respond. After about 10 minutes she sent me a message. “I just got to his place” I responded back but got no answer. Now I found myself with a weird set of emotions. Here I was alone at home with a sleeping baby and a dissertation to write and the only thing.
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